3:17 AM thoughts. Also, Sleep deprivation

How I could tell you what it's like
To just snap

To completely just lose all sense of control
Let it out
Make your voice heard
Scream at the top of your lungs every injustice
That you feel
Was just too much to be fair


It's scary

It's addicting.

It makes you feel like you have done something, as opposed to nothing.


The problem is, it doesn't do what you wanted.
That injustice?
That feeling that this is just plain unfair?
It doesn't go away. Not really.
Instead,
they grow.
And even better,
The next injustice strikes deeper, even though it may be less severe in perspective.

Perspective.
That all too clever word
Which completely rattles your "injustice"

Here's what I can tell you about those "injustices"
The odds are
You've got it better off than quite a few others
The odds are
You don't know the whole story
The odds are, even if this is something
worse than what most others are going through
and you do know the whole story...

I've been there.

No, really. You know who I am.
I'm the kid who waited for the bus a few feet away from you last weekend.
Or the one who took your order Tuesday for a burrito.
Sometimes I'm your mother, or father.
And the kicker
I'm almost always the person who made this all unfair to begin with.

I do not believe in shouting it out any more.
I have made one too many mistakes doing so.
(I've been there)
What I do believe in
Is finding one person who will listen to you


Even when you don't say a word.

Excuse Me for just a second here

Okay, I'm going to break a "blogging" rule here and post twice.
IN THE SAME DAY.

I know, I hear what you're saying, too: "Get a twitter"

No.

Anyways, so let me throw out a hypothetical situation here. You have this friend who a while ago completely sabotaged your relationship just to make his/her life just a little more what he/she wanted, leaving you in the dust and telling you that you should be happy for him/her if you really cared about him/her. Heaven forbid you have feelings of your own that may or may not be hurt in the process, or wonder if he/she really cares about you because he/she definitely understands that what has just happened is not fair to you in any way.

And let's say that, after quite a bit of time, you're still feeling hurt from this. As in, it's been quite a long time since this happened, and you don't feel any better about it. You decide the easiest way to feel better about it might be to let this person back in your life, forgive him/her, and tell him/her that you would really like to try and rekindle that friendship that used to mean a whole lot to both of you.

This friend you have, when you tell him/her this, completely breaks down. He/she is completely beside herself with what he/she did, and unmistakably has the air that he/she is going to make things right. He/she tells you that he/she is so sorry, and yadda yadda yadda "I thought you had changed" blah blah blah "I didn't really realize until just now how much I had missed you" mumble mumble mumble "You're still the same kid". Ends this whole thing with how he/she thinks that trying to get this friendship back is probably the best thing for him/her too, so that he/she can understand that all I'm trying to do here is forgive him/her and be able to look back and say what happened was for the best.

Well, that was about a month ago when this "Let's try to be friends" conversation happened. How many times have I been contacted in any way, be it text, facebook, or in person?

Yeah, that's how I treat my friends too.

I decided to return

For reasons I still do not fully understand.

Whatever. Here I am again, off in some distant far away land (college) on the epic journey that will prove my purpose (life?).

Here's what I can tell you about me now: I like me, right now. It's good. All good.

Anything else? No?

Perfect. I'm going to bed.