Just being real here

How many times do you have to be honest with yourself


Until you listen to yourself being honest?


I think I've finally reached that breaking point.

If there was anything else I could think of, I would have thought of it by now. If there was anything else that could be done, I would have done it. All I know is that I'm sick and tired of being dishonest with myself that I am going to snap sooner than later, so I might as well just make myself snap. To put it mildly, I'm pretty sure this is going to be the stupidest thing I've ever done. But I do not see any other alternative.


It's time to see if I can actually sit back and take control of something with my emotions instead of being rocked by what happens to me. I'm done with just reacting all the time. I need some action. I need to do something about this.

3:17 AM thoughts. Also, Sleep deprivation

How I could tell you what it's like
To just snap

To completely just lose all sense of control
Let it out
Make your voice heard
Scream at the top of your lungs every injustice
That you feel
Was just too much to be fair


It's scary

It's addicting.

It makes you feel like you have done something, as opposed to nothing.


The problem is, it doesn't do what you wanted.
That injustice?
That feeling that this is just plain unfair?
It doesn't go away. Not really.
Instead,
they grow.
And even better,
The next injustice strikes deeper, even though it may be less severe in perspective.

Perspective.
That all too clever word
Which completely rattles your "injustice"

Here's what I can tell you about those "injustices"
The odds are
You've got it better off than quite a few others
The odds are
You don't know the whole story
The odds are, even if this is something
worse than what most others are going through
and you do know the whole story...

I've been there.

No, really. You know who I am.
I'm the kid who waited for the bus a few feet away from you last weekend.
Or the one who took your order Tuesday for a burrito.
Sometimes I'm your mother, or father.
And the kicker
I'm almost always the person who made this all unfair to begin with.

I do not believe in shouting it out any more.
I have made one too many mistakes doing so.
(I've been there)
What I do believe in
Is finding one person who will listen to you


Even when you don't say a word.

Excuse Me for just a second here

Okay, I'm going to break a "blogging" rule here and post twice.
IN THE SAME DAY.

I know, I hear what you're saying, too: "Get a twitter"

No.

Anyways, so let me throw out a hypothetical situation here. You have this friend who a while ago completely sabotaged your relationship just to make his/her life just a little more what he/she wanted, leaving you in the dust and telling you that you should be happy for him/her if you really cared about him/her. Heaven forbid you have feelings of your own that may or may not be hurt in the process, or wonder if he/she really cares about you because he/she definitely understands that what has just happened is not fair to you in any way.

And let's say that, after quite a bit of time, you're still feeling hurt from this. As in, it's been quite a long time since this happened, and you don't feel any better about it. You decide the easiest way to feel better about it might be to let this person back in your life, forgive him/her, and tell him/her that you would really like to try and rekindle that friendship that used to mean a whole lot to both of you.

This friend you have, when you tell him/her this, completely breaks down. He/she is completely beside herself with what he/she did, and unmistakably has the air that he/she is going to make things right. He/she tells you that he/she is so sorry, and yadda yadda yadda "I thought you had changed" blah blah blah "I didn't really realize until just now how much I had missed you" mumble mumble mumble "You're still the same kid". Ends this whole thing with how he/she thinks that trying to get this friendship back is probably the best thing for him/her too, so that he/she can understand that all I'm trying to do here is forgive him/her and be able to look back and say what happened was for the best.

Well, that was about a month ago when this "Let's try to be friends" conversation happened. How many times have I been contacted in any way, be it text, facebook, or in person?

Yeah, that's how I treat my friends too.

I decided to return

For reasons I still do not fully understand.

Whatever. Here I am again, off in some distant far away land (college) on the epic journey that will prove my purpose (life?).

Here's what I can tell you about me now: I like me, right now. It's good. All good.

Anything else? No?

Perfect. I'm going to bed.

My sister

told me to blog again.

Spring break

Well, I just had my spring break, as the title of the blog may indicate to you.
Our family went down to our usual getaway, Kiawah Island in South Carolina (about 1/2 hour south of Charleston). It was absolutely lovely, pretty much every day could be summed up as such: 80-85 degrees, and sunny. I honestly don't think I ever saw the sun be blocked out by clouds in six days. SIX DAYS OF PURE, UN-ADULTERATED SUNSHINE.

I fly back to my lovely residence in the Midwest, and I get about 48 degrees, a thunderstorm, and more water in my front yard than grass, which is overgrown and needs mowed.

-___-

0.o

so, one of my new favorite websites is cracked.com. pretty funny stuff on there.
but also some really creepy stuff.

like #5 on this countdown of the 6 creepiest places on earth. Which in my opinion is much more creepy than the 4 in front of it. (word of warning- all 6 of these are not for those who do not like to lose sleep)
http://www.cracked.com/article/181_the-6-creepiest-places-earth/

And yes, it's real. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overtoun_Bridge
You CAN'T make something like that up anyways.